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Clean the air in Athens? |
By Phil Collins
Staff Reporter
SIOUX CITY, IA — Like many boys growing
up in the cornfields of America, Mark
Haselfeld had a dream. Given half a chance,
or even a full one, he would lube America’s
fleet of service vehicles at the Summer
Olympics in Greece. But dream turned to
nightmare last week when Haselfeld, a 43-year-old “mechanic” at Lamar’s Gas ‘N’ Go,
tested positive for ethanol just two days before his flight to Athens.
“Damn that Lamar,” said Haselfeld after learning of the results. “I told him
we needed a new nozzle. Been telling him that for months. Now this. Hell, I
was all packed…even bought a new toothbrush.”
When told that the air in Athens was dirtier than a pig’s face at suppertime,
Haselfeld sighed. “Wouldn’t you know.”
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| No longer a PC world? |
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By Judy Collins
Staff Reporter
COLOMBO, SRI LANKA — Dismissing Dell,
Sony, Gateway, Toshiba and H.P. as unsuitable
names for children, actress Gwyneth Paltrow
and hubby Chris Martin this morning announced that, after touring the IBM
production facility in Dubai and the Apple manufacturing plant in Sri
Lanka, they had decided to name their daughter Apple.
Apple immediately issued a statement congratulating the couple’s choice.
IBM didn’t. |
